Clients are the lifeblood of our business.
We create, hustle and serve to offer them something no one else can.
It's rewarding in several ways, and helping others keeps us motivated.
But, our relationships with clients are as complex as any other.
We don't talk about it enough but sometimes our clients are toxic, driving our unhelpful coping strategies.
We get pushed into burnout patterns that stop us being as effective as we should be.
Here's permission not to tolerate it.
Recognise your client isn't good for you
Years ago and early in my coaching career, I was excited by a new paid client.
We set up online calls and I explained my person-centred approach to coaching, which is a less directive style.
It creates a space for our clients to discover and prioritise their outcomes and solutions.
You're more likely to follow up if you've had the idea and try it out. We provide the tools and tips if needed.
During our sessions, I realised my client didn't answer questions directly. They talked around the topic or went on significant tangents.
Some of that is totally normal and to be expected whilst you build trust in your client-coach relationship.
But I soon realised they avoided anything close to the source or core of what might drive the issues they wanted to work on.
After some initial proactive steps after sessions, they stopped making an effort on their actions but still wanted to meet.
We'd have circular conversations or they would rant about an issue or problem on their mind with no focus on resolving it.
I realised I didn't enjoy working with them, and didn't feel they respected the process.
I dreaded our sessions and felt drained afterwards.
During one session, they berated me for not having a plan for them and what they should do (yep, true).
This got to me as I knew I'd been clear about my approach during our discussions - I help them build a plan that matches their focus areas. Only they can execute, reflect and tweak it.
My client apologised for their attitude in the next call but after weeks, I'd already made the difficult decision to walk away.
It's not easy to separate from someone who wants to work with you, or from income as a small business owner.
But it wasn't working for either of us.
I suggested sharing other coaches or therapists more suited to what they were after but they declined.
It seems they liked talking at me, not with me, for an hour.
The experience was a tough but important lesson for me to learn, but I felt much better for it.
Know and protect your boundaries
It comes down to boundaries and the role we play in client engagements.
If you're prone to burnout, especially in the perfectionist or people-pleaser burnout patterns, a toxic client can massively throw you off kilter.
Even if 90% of your work is stellar, that toxic client might be the only thing you think about.
It keeps you up at night.
You adjust your habits or mindset to focus on the issues that come from them, ignoring the good stuff.
Self-doubt creeps in and you end up working harder and 'protecting yourself' from possible challenge.
It's exhausting.
The cost is often more than the value a client brings to you or your business.
It doesn't have to be like that.
So stand your ground and know you should be treated differently to minimise mental and physical costs.
I get you might not be able to walk away right now, i.e. if you're in a longer term contract with obligations or need the money/ funding.
In those situations, asserting boundaries and how you let yourself be treated are way more critical.
Remember, you have more power than you think.
10 toxic client red flags to look for
Whilst working with clients and business owners/ leaders, I've noticed patterns to look out for.
If your client shows some of these, perhaps it's time to step away:
- Unrealistic Demands: Expecting miracles within tight deadlines or budgets.
- No Boundaries: Contacting you at all hours (not agreed up front), expecting instant replies.
- Micromanaging: Watching over every detail, not trusting your expertise.
- Constant Complaints: Always negative, never acknowledging good work.
- Scope Creep: Changing project details without adjusting time or money.
- Payment Issues: Late or missing payments, always a hassle.
- Poor Communication: Being vague, unresponsive, or contradictory.
- Blame Game: Never owning up to issues, mistakes, always pointing fingers.
- Unappreciative: Rarely saying thanks or recognising your efforts.
- Rude Behaviour: Being condescending, aggressive, or plain rude. Nope!
Maybe you've experienced others not on the list.
What are your non-negotiables that'll cause you to walk away?
We all have difficult or toxic people to deal with in life and business, Reader.
Stay alert to any that impact your wellbeing and burnout tendencies.
Identify ways to assert boundaries and protect yourself.
I'm so glad I got through my angst to assert those boundaries.
I felt lighter and more aligned to the services I want to offer.
It feels tricky at the time, but putting up with dodgy behaviour isn't worth the ultimate cost to you or your business.
Take care,
Sabrina
Burnout Coach | Neuroscientist | Art-based Practitioner
P.S. If you want to create a strategy to handle toxic clients, book a free 25m discovery call and let's chat about how I can help.