Getting burnt out makes you forget how to live your life.
You're so caught up fire-fighting, doing tasks, and reacting that you lose perspective about what life should be.
It's only when you stop and reflect, or talk to someone about it that the penny drops.
This is why many of us let months and years go by before we realise time has disappeared in a stressed out haze.
We don't even remember actively making the choices that got us here.
That's why it's valuable to step back and think about what you want to be remembered for.
What will you have spent your time and life doing?
More importantly, are you doing that right now? Chances are you're not doing it as much as you'd like, Reader.
This is why when a loved one gets sick or passes, the finality of time is front and centre.
We reflect on what they mean to us and the imprint they leave on the world.
This can be a painful but valuable process:
- How did they impact me?
- How did they spend their time?
- Were they happy?
- What will I and others miss about them?
If your responses make you feel discomfort about these answers about your own life, good.
Reflecting on how you use your time and if you're happy or fulfilled gives you clues that you need to do something different.
The Eulogy Method
This process has been around for a while but Ali Abdaal described it in his recent book, Feel Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You.
I love Ali's approach to productivity, and how he relates wellbeing, and feeling good to being more productive naturally and practically.
Although I'm not into the super productivity hacks that seem to be everywhere, I do subscribe to this principle that feeling healthy AND knowing what matters to you is key to protecting yourself from burnout.
Understanding your values means you can assess any situation and determine the choices that support them and the life you want to create.
This is where The Eulogy Method helps.
It might seem morbid to think about your funeral and the eulogies people might share about you, but it's a great way to use mental time travel to get space and distance from current issues.
It starts with this question:
- What would I feel good about someone saying in my eulogy?
This gets to the core of 'what matters to me?'. If you don't know what you value on a daily basis, and what you want to be remembered for, how do you create and live the life you want?
Without understanding this, and your personal North Star, it's easy to see how burnout creeps in.
Other people's needs or your insecurities drive your behaviour and decision-making.
It's why my burnout clients often feel like they aren't living their own life, but one that has been placed upon them.
It feels harder to find a way out of it.
But, once you decide where you want to get to and what you value, you have a marker to compare choices against.
Categorise Your Eulogy Method Reflections
Once you've identified what you want others to say about you and your life, categorise these across key themes:
- Health
- Relationships
- Work
- Hobbies/Play
Here's an example that might help: I want to be remembered for being a supportive and non-judgmental friend. This sits in the relationship theme.
I look at the past week or month and assess how much of my behaviour supports this goal.
Being honest with myself, I know it's been a hectic Q1 and that I've been more distracted from my friendships than I'd like.
Now I can make an informed choice - how do I dedicate more time for social catch ups and being a better friend?
I decide how to use my time more effectively to support this goal.
And so, keep iterating until you have a list of key goals and values or behaviours that demonstrates how you want to be remembered.
Prioritise these in your diary or calendar.
If you're going through a busy period, determine which ones help you manage your time and energy, or where you can offer value to others.
We know social connection is key for good health and a protective factor for stress - if you choose supportive relationships of course.
Using my example again, I can prioritise relationships where I have some flexibility, or to a friend who could do with my help.
Use Your Time Wisely
By starting at the end, and working your way back, you reclaim control over how you use your time and attention.
We are what we pay attention to.
So, if your burnout is leaving you lost and unsure where to focus, start at the end and decide what really matters to you.
If nothing else, understanding this helps you decide how to use your time to support that goal.
Even small steps or weekly activities focused on it builds up. That gives you hope which is KEY for burnout recovery.
It's worth using the Eulogy Method annually as your life or goals might change.
Keep revisiting your life's goals and choosing the actions that move you in that direction - that leads to a life well lived.
Rooting for you!
Take care,
Sabrina
Burnout Coach | Neuroscientist | Art-based Practitioner
P.S. If you want to try the Eulogy Method in person, book a 1:1 free 25m discovery call with me and let's chat.